Changes!

I swear, the hardest part about being a mother is dealing with the asshole that knocked you up.

I ask him why he spent 500 dollars on an E-bike when we need the money (you know, to support our daughter, every penny counts) and he replies, "I didn't want a kid to begin with ...I always wanted an E bike." L O FUCKING L. And then he proceeds to tell me that he's the one working and I'm not doing shit. But then, on a text, he writes, "I didn't know one girl could ruin so much in one year." Well, thanks. He thinks he's being a big fucking help by getting money ...still spending on the stupidest of shit, and I'm useless because I don't have a dime. I think the sole fact that I love and want my daughter is better than the "bread winner" constantly telling me how I should've gotten an abortion. This'll go great in the baby book.


108 days left ..... and tomorrow's 2011 .... time to make some serious changes ...where shall I begin hmmmmmm....

Super Powers?

My boyfriend just announced that he's going to buy an E bike. Instead of saving money, which we're both doing, he's going to blow it all on a fucking bike. How incredibly stupid of him! Stupid stupid stupid! It's quite obvious that I need to get my own shit in gear and properly plan for being a single parent ... I'm the only one thinking about our daughter ... Where are my mommy super powers????

24 weeks

I'm 24 weeks and 1 day. I'm enormous.
I weigh 138 lbs ...I blame all the Christmas food.
At my ObGyn appointment my boyfriend finally heard our baby's heart beat! I was supposed to do the glucose test but the lab was closed so at my next appointment I'll get to pee and have blood drawn, hooray!

I still crave sugar and pizza, it's ridiculous and it must be all in my head ...it has to be... because I cannot keep this disgusting diet up any longer! I need fruit! I also need to remember to take my vitamins. I ALSO need to finish my assignments for my online English course. So much to do!

I'm not leaking anymore, I don't know why... maybe it'll start up again when I'm further along.


110 days left!

Leaking!

I was laying on my bed watching Charlie Brown and my Mom came into my room, so I sat up and noticed a wet spot on my bed where I was laying ...and a wet spot on my shirt - where my nipple is! My right nipple was a little wet and my left one is completely dry. My right nipple is also sore, while the other one isn't.

Other than my new nipplage experience ...I'm incredibly cranky.

120 more days!

She finally kicked for Daddy!

Usually Maya* would be still when her father was around but tonight she kicked! Several times too! She's becoming more and more active, I love it. He seemed sort of freaked out/amazed when he felt it - said it sort of felt like a pulse. I guess he expected her to kick and his whole hand to move.

Feeling Like A Mom Already

I bring my sister to SK and pick her up - I've gotten to know two parents and even though I'm clearly not her mother, I feel like her parent. We've arranged play dates and I talk like a ...mother lol. I can't even explain it. Also I've realized that a lot of girls around my age think being pregnant is fun and having a little baby to take care of would be a plus in their life. News flash! It's not. Being pregnant ruins your body and raising a child at a young age is VERY HARD - you need money to buy diapers, food, clothing, toys, provide shelter, etc., for your child for at least 18 years! It also takes away from your social life - no clubbing, partying, dating ....unless you can find a good baby sitter but what are the odds of that happening? My friends think that whenever I find someone to babysit I'll be available to party. Nooooo. I'll be lucky to find a babysitter and as soon as I do I'll be getting my ass a job. So between working and taking care of my sister and daughter, I won't want to party. On my days off I'll want to sleep. I'm aware of all these "disadvantages" to being a mom at such a young age but I accept it! And I'm excited to bring my beautiful baby girl into this world, regardless of the obstacles I'll have to face.

122 more days!! My belly button has almost popped right out!! WEIRD

Sick!

I've been sick all week!!! And I can't take any medication so I'm suffering, booo. I need to go out tomorrow and do more Christmas shopping. I know my boyfriend is going to complain about what I got him ...he's so appreciative.

The baby shower is booked for Feb. 27th!!!

Now we just need to invite people, make a registry and hopefully I'll be more prepared!

123 days!

Spotting after sex

I had great sex the other night, ended up crying from an orgasm - hormonal, much...and found that I was bleeding. With great sex comes great responsibility ...I have to be a little more gentle I suppose because spotting is not a good sign. I also need to make an appointment with my family doctor to perhaps have an exam - my next ObGyn appointment is on the 27th but it's more of an in & out pee on this appointment, no time to chit chat.

I finally got my slushie fix! Thanks to my beloved boyfriend, he's so good to me.

Maya still seems to be ranking as #1. I even referred to her as Maya today ...it's gotta be a keeper. The middle name is still up in the air though, it's either Kairi (if Matthew wants) or Elisia (the combination of names) ...I haven't discussed my idea with him yet though. I'm also still unsure whether I'm going to put both last names or just his. Or just mine?

126 more days!

She still won't move for her father

OH! When Matthews family came to his house, his mom and aunt and cousin, etc., were asking how I was, how the baby was and what not. And then out of the blue his DAD starts talking about the baby. Saying how I should be talking to my stomach so that when she comes out she'll know I'm her mommy ...I was totally taken aback because he's NEVER mentioned it before. I was literally speechless. I'm much more excited now though, with his familys excitement and mine, it's calming to know that I have a lot of support.

Also, Matthew seems nervous about the delivery - because I told him my mom will also be in the room. She's a hands on type of woman and will want to be very involved. I'm going to have to tell her that if she is to be in the room, she has to step back because this is Matthew and my daughter, so he'll be the hand I squeeze and he'll be the one to cut the cord. My Mom can stand on the other side crying if she wants, but there's going to be a rule against NO crotch shots, not until her head is completely out of my vagina; then indulge. BUT NO PICTURES!

Maya

My belly button seems to be popping out. My stomach is definitely round and hard and obviously pregnant. My boobs are rounder, and bigger - as well as my nipples (which have also gotten darker. Joy.) I'm still incredibily moody; but I believe part of the reason is because of all the stress I'm dealing with at home. I still haven't gotten my slushie fix yet ... maybe that'd cheer me up? Haha.

I fell in love with a name...

Maya Elisia

Elisia is a combination of my boyfriends Mom's middle name (Alicia) and my late Grandma's name (Elsie) ...I'm going to see how Matthew feels about this - but the first name, Maya, is almost a FOR SURE! There are no other names that can top it. If he puts up a fuss then maybe I'll sacrifice Elisia for some name that he really likes. We'll see. 

129 more days!

Moody

Last night my boyfriend asked me, "Whats it like being pregnant?"

I always thought that the moment he asked me something like that I'd respond with something heartfelt but all I said was, "Its like being fat ...with a bad back." But it's the truth. Almost 21 weeks pregnant and that's what it's like to be pregnant. He responded, "Well I've been there."

I've noticed how moody I've been lately. It's getting on everyone's nerves, including my own. This moodiness derives not only from hormonal changes but the constant worrying about HOW I'm going to afford a child. I'm really scared.

I found another name that I like: Maya. Pronounced MYE.AH

I'm not sure if Matthew likes it though.

133 more days! Wow.

20 weeks

I am 20 weeks pregnant today. Next week I'll be entering my SIXTH month of pregnancy. This is going by way too quickly! Anyway, I've noticed that my little duck doesn't move around when there's a lot of noise/specifically male voices. I was at my friend's house last night and we were watching TV and talking, catching up on lost time and she didn't move once. As soon as I got home she started doing back flips and whatever else she does in there. I'm sure I'll feel her through my tummy soon enough. 

Daddy still has a grudge against me because I won't name her Kairi or Naomi. And he's not willing to compromise. He has 3 months left or I'm naming her what I want - immaturity at it's fucking finest. I found two more names that I like: Aries and Selah. Selah means "pause and reflect" and is equivalent to Amen. I love it! I love the name (say-lah) and I love what it means. Too perfect. When Daddy-o gets the stick out of his ass I'll bounce these names off him and see what he thinks. I'll bet all the money in the world he'll say, "whatever, name her what you want I don't care," ...I really hope he finds that stick so I can shove it even further up his ass.

139 more days!

The most affected part of my body

is my damn nose! My biggest symptom is sneezing. I sneeze 20 times a day, every day. For the past month and a half I have been extremely stuffed up especially at night. I could blow my nose and everything be clear - but an hour later I'll be clogged up again. Marvelous. A few minutes ago I sneezed and blood came gushing out of my right nostril. Pregnancy really is interesting.

143 days left!

No water birth :(

So the ObGyn said that they don't do water births because they can't monitor the baby properly. Makes sense. However during the majority of labour I can be in the tub. He also said since I plan on not getting an epidural I should dilate faster. Everyone thinks I'm nuts for waiting a drug-free delivery. But since I believe this is my first and last child, I want to experience everything. However, if I get pregnant again, I'll be getting as much drugs as possible I can guarantee that. The risks for spinabifada and down syndrome came back and were 1:4000, and 1:50000 (roughly) Regardless, the odds are SLIM TO NIL! I know my little girl will come out perfect! Also, since my last weighing (which was 130 lbs) I have gained only 2 lbs!!!! (132 lbs) Since the beginning of my pregnancy I have only gained 9 pounds which is pretty damn good. I also find pizza disgusting (for now anyway) so I hope cutting back on that twice a week huge carb intake will make a difference in how much weight I'll gain. I'm aiming to only be 140/145. Anymore than that and I will CRY CRY CRY for days. As soon as my birthday rolls around, I am pleading for a gym membership! I am determined to get back to my pre-preggo size (123 lbs) or even less than that! Size 3 here I come! Well ...in another 4 to 5 months :(

144 more days!

Caught the flu ...I think

Yesterday (the day of my ultrasound) I ate half a nutella sandwich at 8 am which was gross. Then an egg mcmuffin at 10 am...which was gross. From 10 am until about 3 I didn't eat anything except a small mandarin. Immediately after my stomach hurt. I tried sleeping the pain away on the couch but I figured the pain must be because I'm hungry so I tried to eat dinner which was chicken, rice and salad. I ate two bites of salad and went to my room to sleep. So from 6:30 until 8 I slept .....only to wake up to VOMIT! Yay! Honestly that orange must have reformed in my stomach because it came out whole. It was disgusting. I felt relieved though, and went for a shower whilst my mom cleaned up the mess (MUCH appreciated!). I went back to bed and was fine for about an hour and then I puked more. I was puking bile and a bit of blood. I went back to bed and asked my mom to get me some gingerale from the store ...as soon as she left I puked again! It was bad because at this point my stomach was completely empty except for two crackers and not even half a cup of water. I called telehealth and had to wait an hour for one of the nurses, so at 11:30 I finally get a phone call. At this point I was feeling a little better, although my mouth was dry and I was exhausted - I was on the phone with this nurse for about half an hour and then I was like, "Okay I have to puke again!" and he's like .."bye" THANKS NURSE. Although, I guess there isn't much he could do anyway. After that (fourth puking session) I took a sip of water and went to sleep. I haven't puked today and feel a lot better. My boyfriend had the flu yesterday and I guess the peck on the cheek I gave him yesterday at the ultrasound must've been enough to give me his sickness. Oh well..it seems to have passed! Tomorrow is my ObGyn appointment where I'll be asking the doctor about water births and we'll see if it's right for me!

145 more days!

IT'S A GIRL!

I thought the umbilical cord was a penis. A rather large penis but hey, good genes? Turns out her legs were closed and so the tech couldn't get a good gender picture. Finally she let us have a peak and there it was, three lines. My baby has a vagina! LOL Daddy is disappointed, he was really looking forward to having a son. He says he won't believe that she's a she until he can see her with his own eyes, for now he's in denial.

I'm happier than ever though!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I shall find out the sex of little Bugsy! I really hope the tech tells us what the sex is without much force ...and if not, I don't know if a 3D or 2D would give me the best picture (so that I may be able to decipher the gender myself...) I'm very nervous about finding out if it's a girl or a boy ...I think it's a girl! I'm also very excited to tell my grandparents that they're having a great grand Daughter or great grand Son ............!!!!! After tomorrow I'll be counting down the days until I can see a little foot poke through my tummy and after that, I'll be counting down the days until DELIVERY! 

The 25th is my ObGyn appointment and so I'll be asking him if he has ever delivered a baby in a pool/tub ..I hope he has because I really want to use that method. I'm also anxious to find out if my baby is risk free of down syndrome/spina bifada ....I'm nervous about that but I'm sure he/she is fine...

Also, I've been thinking about my name choices and you could basically scratch my entire list because I haven't the slightest idea of what the PERFECT name is for my little one. All I know is that his/her last name will be hyphenated. Purchase-Perdomo. PP, how lovely. I'm really only sticking my last name in there for legal purposes. If him and I get married (which would be the ultimate best thing in the world!!) then I'll take out my ugly last name. We'll see. Evidently nothing is planned for ...nothing in my life anyway.

147 more days! In 2 months it'll be DOUBLE digits!

When boredom strikes

The only one keeping me company is my little rugrat flipping around in my stomach. "Daddy" decided he'd rather be at home than hanging out with me. I guess we all need Me-Time. It's Friday, I suppose I'll take advantage of being alone and sleep in a little.

Only a few more days until the ultrasound!

Goodnight.

Six more days until the ? is either BOY or GIRL!!!

Countdowns

6 days until my ultrasound!

38 days until Christmas!

44 days until 2011!

101 days until my baby shower!

152 days until baby is here!

Once 2011 rolls around, I think my pregnancy will be over in the blink of an eye. Just think, I've been pregnant for 125 days now (18 weeks) in double that time, it'll only be two weeks until my expected due date. I haven't been this excited to discuss numbers since - well, never! But I am counting down the days anxiously! I wish I could get a pregnancy chocolate calendar, like the ones you get a month before Christmas. Yummy chocolate for another 152 days! That'd be awesome.

Anyway, let's talk symptoms.

My stomachs been cramping a lot lately. Feels like gas pains (without the gas) or heartburn, sometimes it feels like mild period cramps. Obviously this is all very normal and the pain is my uterus growing. Last night my diet was pretty lousy: cucumbers, cookies, pizza, popcorn, Burger King..... I had terrible pains in my stomach. I felt like I was going to puke. My boyfriend rubbed my tummy for a good half hour and it felt better. If it was our little one moving around in there causing ruckus, he really does calm down when Daddys around. Brat! LOL I cannot wait until he/she gets here!! Ahhhh!!

By the way! The cravings that I've been having lately are: Pizza!!!! Perogies, slushies, fries supreme and as of late, Lucky Charms. I've yet to indulge my slushie and fries supreme craving!

Belly Picture @ 18 weeks

Eighten Weeks!

Exactly one more week until I get that ultrasound, and hopefully the little one spreads his or her legs! The techs have a policy where they DO NOT TELL YOU THE SEX! So, I'm hoping to harass the woman to death until she does. I'll use strategic questions such as: "Can you tell me what THAT is? *as I point to the region between his/her legs*, or I'll say something along the lines of, "If I went shopping today for baby clothes, should I buy lots of blue or lots of pink?" If this woman REFUSES to answer any of those questions, I will scream and cry and harass her more. I am NOT leaving that room without knowing what I'm having. HELL to the NO.

• Anyway, my belly is growing. Still no stretchmarks, I hope to keep it that way.
• Sex is becoming painful... Usually I could go for hours on end but now I get sore after about 10 minutes. TMI?
• I keep having dreams about how I'm going to support my child financially and it always ends the same way; my Mom suggests I become a hooker. Thanks Dream-Mom. I really don't know what I'm going to do in regards to residency and income. I could move out on my own, and get welfare, but how would I even be able to afford clothing for my child and I AND food? Fuck. If my boyfriend moved out with me it'd be a whole other story since there'd be two shared incomes. I really wish he'd see that...

153 more days until reality really hits! But I'm excited nevertheless!

Raging Hormones

I think I feel the onset of another yeast infection. I honestly cannot express how physically and mentally exhausting it is to deal with one of these things ...especially since this is probably my 10th one in a span of 2 or 3 years. After I give birth, I want to cut out my vagina and all of the female crap that goes a long with it. Too much damn hassle!

Asides from my hatred towards my womanly parts; I'm also feeling quite disconnected from my boyfriend. We haven't been on the same wave length for a while and I feel as though we're only sticking together for the sake of our child. I'm getting really tired of him feeling as though he doesn't need to tell me where he's going (OK obviously not every second but if you're going to stop texting me COMPLETELY ...tell me what you're doing please) ...My anxiousness also comes from my own problems; lack of trust, self esteem issues ...I constantly assume he's cheating, or is planning on cheating, or doing something that I would murder him for. But fuck! I'm stuck at home all day cleaning and doing online assignments, I take care of my sister all week AND deal with the woes of pregnancy, especially the woes of being ALONE and pregnant. I guess it's my fault. I should see more of my friends and quit worrying about someone who clearly doesn't give a flying shit about me.
Oh oh hormones, go away!

Thank God it's Friday! Maybe I can relax .........ha!

Mommy's Name Choices

Girl Names

1. Acadia
2. Alora
3. Ava
4. Delia
5. Elisia
6. Laura
7. Ramona

Boy Names

1. Carlos
2. Dorian
3. Ethan
4. Ezra
5. Lucian
6. Matthew
7. Xavier

These are all in alphabetical order ...I'm not going to tell the boyfriend my choices. He'll make his own list and then we'll trade and cross off the phones we 100% DO NOT LIKE and then compare the ones we do like. We'll see how that goes. If worst comes to worse, I'm picking the name I like regardless of how mad he gets. I'm not naming my child something ridiculous just to make him happy. F that!

Sneezing...

I sneeze from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I sneeze all day long. I've been sneezing like this for my entire pregnancy. But tonight, I sneezed and peed my pants. It was such an odd feeling; losing control over my bladder ....but when I went to the washroom I expected yellow pee (meaning I held it for too long or something) but it was clear. I peed almost two hours prior to this ...event...and since then, drank half a cup of milk. Half a cup of milk and a sneeze = wet pajama pants for me. Thank you fetus, thank you very much. I really hope this doesn't happen when I'm out.

But in other news ... this monster is seventeen weeks along!  
161 more days until he can start peeing on me and let me keep my pee in my bladder!!

Sixteen weeks

This was taken at sixteen weeks. At this point, the baby is the size of an avocado. I am almost in my seventeenth week. Time is really flying!

163 more days!

There's logic, then there's heart.

For lack of better words, I still regret keeping this pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, I was only five weeks. The fetus did not possess a heart beat at that time. It was not a LIVING organism. I could have taken the abortion pill, which basically induces a miscarriage. In other words, my period would have been late. I would have went out, bought a box of tampons, a lot of drugs and ice cream.

But then ...I think, when I found out I was pregnant I immediately fell in love with my unborn child. Even though I knew it was not living ...it still had the potential to grow, to live, to become my son or daughter.

There's logic, then there's heart. I've spent too much of my eighteen years relying on logic; I chose to follow my heart as I continue to do. I dropped out of school, quite the illogical choice, yes, but it did give me perspective. Delaying my education was the worst thing I did, but I have motivation now that I did not have. I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Perhaps being pregnant gave me a new perspective; I want to have a career and BE something so that my child can have a good future, something I never got.

I love my baby so much. I feel him/her move around almost every day now. Usually when I'm on my left side relaxing on the couch or in my bed. I'm so anxious to actually see my belly roll from the movements that he/she makes.

Anyway, everything with "baby daddy" is rocky. Uphill and downhill. A roller coaster. A really bad dream. I know that this pregnancy has really taken a toll on the both of us. We're both scared, I know that. But I feel that I am dealing with it in a much more calm manner than him; he cracks jokes, which are really not funny, about abortion. He still has it in his head that I kept this pregnancy because I want to keep him. Far cry from the truth, my dear. If anything, this pregnancy is driving us apart. I am more than willing to work at our relationship because I do love him. But as he tells me, he doesn't love me, therefore I know there's no obligation when it comes to putting effort into keeping our relationship alive. I hope we last. I'm a very passive person, or just very pathetic. I forgive and although, I do not forget, I bite my tongue and accept any and all flaws that come with this boy. I don't know when my sanity escaped me, but it'll probably never return.

Met the OBGYN

I met my OBGYN today and he seems nice. Went over the paperwork and all that boring crap. I was asked what I do for a living and felt so pathetic when I answered, "I'm a student." Anyway, I heard baby's heart beat and he said it's very strong and healthy! He also told me that he expects this pregnancy to go very well. My second cousin has spina bifida and I am concerned that it is in my genetics. I hope not. My cousin is amazing but personally, I don't think I'd be able to handle a child with a disability. Then again ...I would have to since there is no way in Hell or anywhere else in this universe that I would abort/give up for adoption. Selfish or not, you take my baby, you take me too. I have to take blood next week (when I'm in my sixteenth week) and they'll be testing for down syndrome, spina bifida etc., This will tell me what my risk is like.

173 more days! Hurry up!

PS. The last time I went to my family doctor I was around 13 weeks and weighed 125 (give or take a pound) and at this appointment with my ObGyn I weigh 130! Well, the scale was a hair before 130 but I'm not obsessing (I REALLY ONLY WEIGH 129.8!) Anyway, this is excellent because in 4 months I've only gained 5 pounds. If I can keep this up maybe I'll only gain 10 pounds! Haha, probably not ...I'm trying for 15 at most! It's hard to keep myself from dieting though ...130 is the heaviest I've ever been.

Baby Registry

I was on Babies 'r Us and cannot, for the life of me, figure out what a baby needs! Well, of course I know the basics: crib, stroller, clothes, diapers, food. But what else? Receiving blankets, bumper pads, jumpers ...what? I think I'm going to wait until I found out the sex and then head over to Walmart and Babies 'r Us personally and pick out everything I need.

My belly looks pregnant now, finally. Not huge or anything, but noticeable. I can't wait until a stranger says, "Aw! How far along are you?" I just hope they don't wait until AFTER I have the baby.

Tomorrow makes 15 weeks! Wednesday is my OBGYN appointment so I need to figure out what kind of questions I'll be asking him.

175 days to go!

I think it's a girl

This girl, around my age, is having a baby boy and her belly looks like a beach ball. Another girl, around my age, is having a baby girl and her stomach looks like mine (a bigger version though since she's in her 23rd? week) ...An old wives tale also says that if you look like shit (uneven complexion, pimples, dry hair etc., EVERYTHING I AM EXPERIENCING) then you're having a girl because she's stealing all of your beauty. Well god damn, this baby must be one beautiful little girl because I look like SHIT!

November 23rd is my next ultrasound and I'll be 19 weeks then; if it's a girl then I was right! But if it's a boy, STOP MAKING MOMMY SO UGLY!

179 more days :)

Movement?

Last night I did feel the baby move. *Run your finger gently across your stomach, and it was that feeling but on the inside* It was so cool! I cannot wait until I can actually SEE the movement!

I also have a crazy craving for poutine and greek salad with lots and lots of feta!

14 weeks

I am now 14 weeks pregnant. For the past week I've been extremely itchy and sneezing at least ten times a day. Other than those two weird, probably unrelated "symptoms," I haven't been feeling any body changes. I want to feel my baby move dammit!

181 more days!

Fat Pants and Meeting The Family pt. 4

I bought thick tights from Garage (20 bucks) and my boyfriend grabbed 2 pairs of sweat pants for me! Thank God! I will never wear jeans, I swear. Sweat pants are a GOD SEND!

• Anyway, I met my boyfriends entire family a month (not even) after we first started talking. No one really acknowledged my existance and I liked it like that.
• The second time I met them, I was at his cousins wedding and I got completely shit faced. I wish I were invisible that night.
• The third time I met his entire family was a year later on his birthday and of course they all recognized me as his girlfriend but still, no one really gave a damn to really acknowledge me.
• Yesterday I met them for the fourth freaking time and I was not invisible, I was not shit faced, they knew my name, they know I'm pregnant and so I was greeted with warm smiles and hugs and his grandma was holding my hand and asking me how I'm feeling. Well I feel great, how the hell are you? It's sort of weird really, all of the attention on me, all this acknowledgment and acceptance now that I'm carrying their future family member. I guess I'm part of the family now. His grandpa even asked when my boyfriend's going to marry me.

My boyfriend just laughed and shook his head. Oh, love.

183 more days! So that's 13 weeks and 5 days ...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last night my boyfriend cell phone alarm went off at 12:01 am and I thought one of his friends were texting him (which annoyed my hormonal ass) but it was an alarm he set saying "14th week" or something. I thought it was really sweet that he's now keeping track; too bad he set it on the wrong day! haha

Too Small!

...I'm not too small, my clothes are. They've somehow shrunk, I swear.

I really need to buy a few pairs of fat pants and ...fat shirts because I'm just popping out of everything. I also need to cut my shabby hair and dye it! I've been Googling like a mad woman and hair dye is safe so long as you're not dying your hair in a confined space. I'm in my second trimester, so I should be fine. I'll wait until I talk to my ObGyn (27th of Oct.) and see what he has to say.

Hopefully the boyfriend will buy me some fat clothes!

185 more days!
(13 weeks 3 days ... counting like this makes time go by soooo slow)

Drugs vs. Au Naturel

An epidural seems like a savior for women in labor but personally, I find myself thinking that feeling every single moment, regardless of how painful it may be, is something I want to do. I know that it will hurt, and I will scream and cry; I might even regret not having an epidural but ... I really want to do this naturally! This is my first pregnancy, my first child; I want to experience it all! Last night my boyfriend asked me if we're going to do Lamaze classes (I have to look into that!) because he wants to experience everything. The fact that he's so excited makes me that much happier to be doing this with him, and I know if I choose to deliver naturally he'll be by my side 100%.

186 more days until this baby is expected to arrive!
(13 weeks 2 days along)

Apparently ...

Canesten tablet suppositories aren't recommended for pregnant women. The tubes of cream are though. I really wish I knew that before I endured acid on my precious pink.
The exam went well and I'm still perfect.

Ace.

An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctor Away

FALSE! I just ate an apple and it gave me heart burn.

I'm going to the doctor's soon to get an exam; gotta make sure everything's intact in there. And I have a few other gross concerns I need to discuss with him. It's going to be a very, very, very, very embarrassing appointment.

(I'm 13 weeks and 1 day pregnant today! According to the zillion pregnancy e-mails I get, my fetus is about the size of a shrimp. Gross comparison.)

12 week old fetus

How did you know?!

The most commonly asked question I get is: How did you know you were pregnant? Or, what made you take a test? How did it happen?

My cycle is fairly regular, 29 to 31 days. I was on my 34th or 35th day when I decided to take the test. I noticed that my boobs were becoming sorer than usual; they're tender when I'm PMSing but this was just, not normal. It felt like I had a pair of bricks on my chest. The day I found out, my boobs felt like cement blocks.

Anyway, I told my boyfriend and my Mom that I was concerned and of course, boyfriend thinks nothing of it because I had myself tricked into believing that I was in fact, no doubt about it, infertile. Ha. My Mom, on the other hand, suspected I was pregnant. Boyfriend bought me First Response (it came with 2 tests) and he went home because he had family coming over.

I've taken countless pregnancy tests in the past and every single one of them were negative. I have never been pregnant. I thought this was going to be another negative and my period was just being a bitch. Well, my period really was being a bitch because it wasn't planning on visiting any time soon.

2 PINK LINES! I was in shock. My Mom was in shock. I cried. She cried. She called all of her friends to tell them the news. I texted mine. My best friend tried to convince me that sometimes tests are wrong and I should take the other test tomorrow morning when my hCG levels are highest. I took it. Positive. She then reassured me and told me that a blood test is the most accurate and I should wait til that test came back positive ...and then freak out.

I called my boyfriend and told him what the evil piss test said and he almost died. He cried. Screamed. Begged. It was terrible. He wanted me to have an abortion. He accused me of doing this on purpose. I found myself crying and defending the little guy inside me, and told him that if he wanted to break up and have no part in our relationship and our child's life then so be it, he can leave. I was willing to give up my boyfriend, whom I love so much, for a 5 week old sperm cell. But it was my 5 week old sperm cell.

At 8 weeks I got my first ultrasound. It's heart was beating. 160 BPM. Til then I had sincerely considered abortion, but after that, after seeing a LIVING person inside of ME, there was no way in fucking hell. My boyfriend finally understood, and now accepts the fact that he is going to be a father and believe it or not, he loves this fetus with all of his heart.

I am now 13 weeks pregnant and as you have read, I have shitty symptoms. My boyfriend and I got an ultrasound (well it was more me getting an ultrasound and him watching in awe) at 12 weeks. The baby was kicking and I swear he/she has his bum! I know he's happier than ever after seeing that! I am too! I cannot wait until I feel him/her move!

13 weeks

Thursday I discovered I have a yeast infection. I consulted a doctor and was told that Canesten would take care of it. I should have used the seven day treatment because it's a lower dose and lasts longer, but instead I went for a 3 day quick fix. Every day, after inserting the suppository, it burned. Acid was on my vagina. Saturday night I moaned and groaned from the pain and ended up passing out. I really don't think that's normal. I'm trying to see my doctor today to get an exam, hopefully the infection has cleared up, but the likelihood of him seeing me today is slim.

After having sex Monday morning, I began spotting. My vagina was so sore it was unbelievable. I don't know if the infection is still present and that's why I bled after having sex or if my vagina is just being a stupid bitch and giving me all of these problems.

I also have a cold; runny nose, coughing, sneezing, watery eyes and what seems to be an ear infection.

Did I mention how much I love being pregnant?

If I can't see my doctor today, I might go to the hospital. Or a walk-in clinic tomorrow.

In regards to the 13 week mark of my pregnancy, my belly seems to have popped a bit and I look more pregnant and less bloated.

12 weeks 4 days Pregnant

I'm eighteen and pregnant. 

When I was younger I used to think being pregnant was such a beautiful experience and every pregnant woman glows and looks beautiful! It's not.

Beautiful skin was not a symptom that I was lucky enough to get. Instead, my skin is dry, very sensitive and prone to frequent breakouts. I am constantly getting rashes, and I've also been blessed with a yeast infection unlike no other. 

Of course seeing my little fetus on the ultrasound is amazing! And for a few minutes I forget about all of my disgusting problems and anticipate the arrival of my baby! But then I think of my sore boobs, growing stomach, fat ass, and the stretch marks that are just waiting to sneak up on me...

Why can't the man endure some crap too?! They did this to us anyway!

Don't forget the hormones! Mood swings and cravings ...great way to keep your weight down. The boyfriend pissed me off ...so I yell at him and then cry and then I eat. I don't even want to step on another scale.

In a few days I'm off to buy some fat pants and loose shirts! Wish me luck.

AND COCOA BUTTER TOO!