20 weeks

I am 20 weeks pregnant today. Next week I'll be entering my SIXTH month of pregnancy. This is going by way too quickly! Anyway, I've noticed that my little duck doesn't move around when there's a lot of noise/specifically male voices. I was at my friend's house last night and we were watching TV and talking, catching up on lost time and she didn't move once. As soon as I got home she started doing back flips and whatever else she does in there. I'm sure I'll feel her through my tummy soon enough. 

Daddy still has a grudge against me because I won't name her Kairi or Naomi. And he's not willing to compromise. He has 3 months left or I'm naming her what I want - immaturity at it's fucking finest. I found two more names that I like: Aries and Selah. Selah means "pause and reflect" and is equivalent to Amen. I love it! I love the name (say-lah) and I love what it means. Too perfect. When Daddy-o gets the stick out of his ass I'll bounce these names off him and see what he thinks. I'll bet all the money in the world he'll say, "whatever, name her what you want I don't care," ...I really hope he finds that stick so I can shove it even further up his ass.

139 more days!

The most affected part of my body

is my damn nose! My biggest symptom is sneezing. I sneeze 20 times a day, every day. For the past month and a half I have been extremely stuffed up especially at night. I could blow my nose and everything be clear - but an hour later I'll be clogged up again. Marvelous. A few minutes ago I sneezed and blood came gushing out of my right nostril. Pregnancy really is interesting.

143 days left!

No water birth :(

So the ObGyn said that they don't do water births because they can't monitor the baby properly. Makes sense. However during the majority of labour I can be in the tub. He also said since I plan on not getting an epidural I should dilate faster. Everyone thinks I'm nuts for waiting a drug-free delivery. But since I believe this is my first and last child, I want to experience everything. However, if I get pregnant again, I'll be getting as much drugs as possible I can guarantee that. The risks for spinabifada and down syndrome came back and were 1:4000, and 1:50000 (roughly) Regardless, the odds are SLIM TO NIL! I know my little girl will come out perfect! Also, since my last weighing (which was 130 lbs) I have gained only 2 lbs!!!! (132 lbs) Since the beginning of my pregnancy I have only gained 9 pounds which is pretty damn good. I also find pizza disgusting (for now anyway) so I hope cutting back on that twice a week huge carb intake will make a difference in how much weight I'll gain. I'm aiming to only be 140/145. Anymore than that and I will CRY CRY CRY for days. As soon as my birthday rolls around, I am pleading for a gym membership! I am determined to get back to my pre-preggo size (123 lbs) or even less than that! Size 3 here I come! Well ...in another 4 to 5 months :(

144 more days!

Caught the flu ...I think

Yesterday (the day of my ultrasound) I ate half a nutella sandwich at 8 am which was gross. Then an egg mcmuffin at 10 am...which was gross. From 10 am until about 3 I didn't eat anything except a small mandarin. Immediately after my stomach hurt. I tried sleeping the pain away on the couch but I figured the pain must be because I'm hungry so I tried to eat dinner which was chicken, rice and salad. I ate two bites of salad and went to my room to sleep. So from 6:30 until 8 I slept .....only to wake up to VOMIT! Yay! Honestly that orange must have reformed in my stomach because it came out whole. It was disgusting. I felt relieved though, and went for a shower whilst my mom cleaned up the mess (MUCH appreciated!). I went back to bed and was fine for about an hour and then I puked more. I was puking bile and a bit of blood. I went back to bed and asked my mom to get me some gingerale from the store ...as soon as she left I puked again! It was bad because at this point my stomach was completely empty except for two crackers and not even half a cup of water. I called telehealth and had to wait an hour for one of the nurses, so at 11:30 I finally get a phone call. At this point I was feeling a little better, although my mouth was dry and I was exhausted - I was on the phone with this nurse for about half an hour and then I was like, "Okay I have to puke again!" and he's like .."bye" THANKS NURSE. Although, I guess there isn't much he could do anyway. After that (fourth puking session) I took a sip of water and went to sleep. I haven't puked today and feel a lot better. My boyfriend had the flu yesterday and I guess the peck on the cheek I gave him yesterday at the ultrasound must've been enough to give me his sickness. Oh well..it seems to have passed! Tomorrow is my ObGyn appointment where I'll be asking the doctor about water births and we'll see if it's right for me!

145 more days!

IT'S A GIRL!

I thought the umbilical cord was a penis. A rather large penis but hey, good genes? Turns out her legs were closed and so the tech couldn't get a good gender picture. Finally she let us have a peak and there it was, three lines. My baby has a vagina! LOL Daddy is disappointed, he was really looking forward to having a son. He says he won't believe that she's a she until he can see her with his own eyes, for now he's in denial.

I'm happier than ever though!

Tomorrow!

Tomorrow I shall find out the sex of little Bugsy! I really hope the tech tells us what the sex is without much force ...and if not, I don't know if a 3D or 2D would give me the best picture (so that I may be able to decipher the gender myself...) I'm very nervous about finding out if it's a girl or a boy ...I think it's a girl! I'm also very excited to tell my grandparents that they're having a great grand Daughter or great grand Son ............!!!!! After tomorrow I'll be counting down the days until I can see a little foot poke through my tummy and after that, I'll be counting down the days until DELIVERY! 

The 25th is my ObGyn appointment and so I'll be asking him if he has ever delivered a baby in a pool/tub ..I hope he has because I really want to use that method. I'm also anxious to find out if my baby is risk free of down syndrome/spina bifada ....I'm nervous about that but I'm sure he/she is fine...

Also, I've been thinking about my name choices and you could basically scratch my entire list because I haven't the slightest idea of what the PERFECT name is for my little one. All I know is that his/her last name will be hyphenated. Purchase-Perdomo. PP, how lovely. I'm really only sticking my last name in there for legal purposes. If him and I get married (which would be the ultimate best thing in the world!!) then I'll take out my ugly last name. We'll see. Evidently nothing is planned for ...nothing in my life anyway.

147 more days! In 2 months it'll be DOUBLE digits!

When boredom strikes

The only one keeping me company is my little rugrat flipping around in my stomach. "Daddy" decided he'd rather be at home than hanging out with me. I guess we all need Me-Time. It's Friday, I suppose I'll take advantage of being alone and sleep in a little.

Only a few more days until the ultrasound!

Goodnight.

Six more days until the ? is either BOY or GIRL!!!

Countdowns

6 days until my ultrasound!

38 days until Christmas!

44 days until 2011!

101 days until my baby shower!

152 days until baby is here!

Once 2011 rolls around, I think my pregnancy will be over in the blink of an eye. Just think, I've been pregnant for 125 days now (18 weeks) in double that time, it'll only be two weeks until my expected due date. I haven't been this excited to discuss numbers since - well, never! But I am counting down the days anxiously! I wish I could get a pregnancy chocolate calendar, like the ones you get a month before Christmas. Yummy chocolate for another 152 days! That'd be awesome.

Anyway, let's talk symptoms.

My stomachs been cramping a lot lately. Feels like gas pains (without the gas) or heartburn, sometimes it feels like mild period cramps. Obviously this is all very normal and the pain is my uterus growing. Last night my diet was pretty lousy: cucumbers, cookies, pizza, popcorn, Burger King..... I had terrible pains in my stomach. I felt like I was going to puke. My boyfriend rubbed my tummy for a good half hour and it felt better. If it was our little one moving around in there causing ruckus, he really does calm down when Daddys around. Brat! LOL I cannot wait until he/she gets here!! Ahhhh!!

By the way! The cravings that I've been having lately are: Pizza!!!! Perogies, slushies, fries supreme and as of late, Lucky Charms. I've yet to indulge my slushie and fries supreme craving!

Belly Picture @ 18 weeks

Eighten Weeks!

Exactly one more week until I get that ultrasound, and hopefully the little one spreads his or her legs! The techs have a policy where they DO NOT TELL YOU THE SEX! So, I'm hoping to harass the woman to death until she does. I'll use strategic questions such as: "Can you tell me what THAT is? *as I point to the region between his/her legs*, or I'll say something along the lines of, "If I went shopping today for baby clothes, should I buy lots of blue or lots of pink?" If this woman REFUSES to answer any of those questions, I will scream and cry and harass her more. I am NOT leaving that room without knowing what I'm having. HELL to the NO.

• Anyway, my belly is growing. Still no stretchmarks, I hope to keep it that way.
• Sex is becoming painful... Usually I could go for hours on end but now I get sore after about 10 minutes. TMI?
• I keep having dreams about how I'm going to support my child financially and it always ends the same way; my Mom suggests I become a hooker. Thanks Dream-Mom. I really don't know what I'm going to do in regards to residency and income. I could move out on my own, and get welfare, but how would I even be able to afford clothing for my child and I AND food? Fuck. If my boyfriend moved out with me it'd be a whole other story since there'd be two shared incomes. I really wish he'd see that...

153 more days until reality really hits! But I'm excited nevertheless!

Raging Hormones

I think I feel the onset of another yeast infection. I honestly cannot express how physically and mentally exhausting it is to deal with one of these things ...especially since this is probably my 10th one in a span of 2 or 3 years. After I give birth, I want to cut out my vagina and all of the female crap that goes a long with it. Too much damn hassle!

Asides from my hatred towards my womanly parts; I'm also feeling quite disconnected from my boyfriend. We haven't been on the same wave length for a while and I feel as though we're only sticking together for the sake of our child. I'm getting really tired of him feeling as though he doesn't need to tell me where he's going (OK obviously not every second but if you're going to stop texting me COMPLETELY ...tell me what you're doing please) ...My anxiousness also comes from my own problems; lack of trust, self esteem issues ...I constantly assume he's cheating, or is planning on cheating, or doing something that I would murder him for. But fuck! I'm stuck at home all day cleaning and doing online assignments, I take care of my sister all week AND deal with the woes of pregnancy, especially the woes of being ALONE and pregnant. I guess it's my fault. I should see more of my friends and quit worrying about someone who clearly doesn't give a flying shit about me.
Oh oh hormones, go away!

Thank God it's Friday! Maybe I can relax .........ha!

Mommy's Name Choices

Girl Names

1. Acadia
2. Alora
3. Ava
4. Delia
5. Elisia
6. Laura
7. Ramona

Boy Names

1. Carlos
2. Dorian
3. Ethan
4. Ezra
5. Lucian
6. Matthew
7. Xavier

These are all in alphabetical order ...I'm not going to tell the boyfriend my choices. He'll make his own list and then we'll trade and cross off the phones we 100% DO NOT LIKE and then compare the ones we do like. We'll see how that goes. If worst comes to worse, I'm picking the name I like regardless of how mad he gets. I'm not naming my child something ridiculous just to make him happy. F that!

Sneezing...

I sneeze from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I sneeze all day long. I've been sneezing like this for my entire pregnancy. But tonight, I sneezed and peed my pants. It was such an odd feeling; losing control over my bladder ....but when I went to the washroom I expected yellow pee (meaning I held it for too long or something) but it was clear. I peed almost two hours prior to this ...event...and since then, drank half a cup of milk. Half a cup of milk and a sneeze = wet pajama pants for me. Thank you fetus, thank you very much. I really hope this doesn't happen when I'm out.

But in other news ... this monster is seventeen weeks along!  
161 more days until he can start peeing on me and let me keep my pee in my bladder!!

Sixteen weeks

This was taken at sixteen weeks. At this point, the baby is the size of an avocado. I am almost in my seventeenth week. Time is really flying!

163 more days!

There's logic, then there's heart.

For lack of better words, I still regret keeping this pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, I was only five weeks. The fetus did not possess a heart beat at that time. It was not a LIVING organism. I could have taken the abortion pill, which basically induces a miscarriage. In other words, my period would have been late. I would have went out, bought a box of tampons, a lot of drugs and ice cream.

But then ...I think, when I found out I was pregnant I immediately fell in love with my unborn child. Even though I knew it was not living ...it still had the potential to grow, to live, to become my son or daughter.

There's logic, then there's heart. I've spent too much of my eighteen years relying on logic; I chose to follow my heart as I continue to do. I dropped out of school, quite the illogical choice, yes, but it did give me perspective. Delaying my education was the worst thing I did, but I have motivation now that I did not have. I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Perhaps being pregnant gave me a new perspective; I want to have a career and BE something so that my child can have a good future, something I never got.

I love my baby so much. I feel him/her move around almost every day now. Usually when I'm on my left side relaxing on the couch or in my bed. I'm so anxious to actually see my belly roll from the movements that he/she makes.

Anyway, everything with "baby daddy" is rocky. Uphill and downhill. A roller coaster. A really bad dream. I know that this pregnancy has really taken a toll on the both of us. We're both scared, I know that. But I feel that I am dealing with it in a much more calm manner than him; he cracks jokes, which are really not funny, about abortion. He still has it in his head that I kept this pregnancy because I want to keep him. Far cry from the truth, my dear. If anything, this pregnancy is driving us apart. I am more than willing to work at our relationship because I do love him. But as he tells me, he doesn't love me, therefore I know there's no obligation when it comes to putting effort into keeping our relationship alive. I hope we last. I'm a very passive person, or just very pathetic. I forgive and although, I do not forget, I bite my tongue and accept any and all flaws that come with this boy. I don't know when my sanity escaped me, but it'll probably never return.