Laugh At Me..

My boyfriends friend told him that deep down he must love me, and my boyfriend said he couldn't stop laughing. Then his sister asked if I was going to college in September, and he laughed. I can't go to college right away because I have a child - yet he's able to go. I hope he gets into a good fucking career so he can start paying some wicked child support. Fucking asshole.

I'm a failure

I told him that I wish we still had what we used to have. And he said "Lose the attitude and the baby and maybe it could work. But shit its too late for that" ..........I feel like such a failure. I'm bringing my daughter into the world with a father LIKE THIS! I really wish I weren't pregnant -- but at least now I know what kind of "man" I'm with. I didn't respond after he said that, and 25 minutes later he says, "See you make me say rude things, like just be normal...."

Kill me.

Broke

We're broke. My Mom is broke, and I'm talking negative 200 $ in her bank account. How are we going to pay rent? I don't know... I can't even get a job to help out! I don't know what to do..

Bumped Up To 2 Week Visits

I am in my third trimester which means, drum roll, I get to see my beautiful, ha, ObGyn every two weeks now! Isn't that just great? If they weigh me every two weeks, I better not see the damn scale move or I'll cry! But good news: my last weigh in was December 26, where I gained a total of 10 pounds. Yeah, 10 big ones. My weigh in today, January 26, I only gained, drum roll PLEASE!, 2 pounds! Oh yeah, baby! That's ALLLL BABY! If I can keep this up til April 19th, I will be able to shed these pounds as easily as I put them on. Pre pregnancy weight was 123 lbs ... right now I sit at 140 lbs ... The max I want to weigh is 150. Absoloute maximum! Because I figure after I give birth, I'll be breastfeeding (and bfing gets you fit in no time) I'll be down to 125 after just two weeks. That's the dream, baby!

I also heard her heartbeat, and asked the ObGyn if there's any chance I can get another ultrasound in the next few weeks .......highly doubt it. Oh well! Come on baby girl!

82 more days!

...and Alexia is still standing as the name!

Lots of clothes!

I received 3 big bags of used baby clothing from my friend's sister and today I sorted through them all - divided the sizes into their own bags so now I have one big bag of 0 - 3 mos clothing, another bag of 6 - 9 mos and another one for 9 + (going to 18 months!) ...I also have a bag of SHOES! And a bath tub haha. I obviously will get more clothes, but this is amazing! I don't have to go shopping for clothes until she's almost 2! YAY! I'm not looking forward to laundry though....ahhh.

84 days to go!!!!

My cousin will be giving me her crib, it's just missing some screws haha, need to get that and a mattress and I'm good to go! Come on baby!

Emotions Overload

I've been incredibly emotional lately; crying over being stressed, crying over not having sex, crying because my boyfriend rolled over to sleep and didn't want to cuddle - crying over good news, tv shows, happy moments, headaches ...everything ...I cry so much! I was at his cousin's for their daughters birthday and I got terrible stomach pains! Felt like diahrea - but nothing came out, haha TMI ..when I was standing I had a severe headache and felt dizzy, and I also felt like I was going to puke - so I spent 10 minutes on the toilet at their house and 20 minutes on the washroom floor. Quite embarassing.
Matthew has a calendar in his room marking every week gestation as well as our prenatal classes and my birthday! haha It made me really happy to know that he was thinking of me when he put it up :)
Also! A certain someone is actively trying to get pregnant! It's a secret so no one knows but oooo I am soo excited!

85 days left! Can't wait!

87 days left

Alexia really seems like the official name. She's moving A LOT! I find myself constantly hungry too. I'm having a hard time finding a middle name. I repierced my lip but I need to get a stud because I'm going to Matthew's family's house tomorrow and I don't want them to think I'm your "typical preggo teen" haha, ah and I have no pretty clothes either. Ahhhhhh.

87 more days!

Prenatal Classes

Everything seems to be going smoothly right now - got the baby registry done and just hoping that people buy me things I need! 39 days til the shower! 90 days til the little one is here! I went to the prenatal class for young Mom's yesterday with Matthew and it was ...interesting. Learned a lot about bathing the baby and what not ...but the people there are so young! Of course that is to be expected ... I hope he comes with me to every class ...but we'll see, he may have to work. And work is a valid excuse! If he is working on one of the days, my Mom or best friend will take his spot!

Baby is moving a lot and Matthew got to see her move! He was pretty amazed lol, didn't think it was going to be that jumpy. I wish she would've rolled because I find that to be the coolest.

Anyway, that is all ...hopefully tomorrow goes just as well .....I'm sick of posting about my misery!!

Baby Shower

My ex's mom is such a nice woman, she told me that she'll go on the hunt for baby stuff for me! That's so sweet. I would like to invite her to the baby shower but she's my ex's mom .....and my boyfriends mom will be there....I don't know, I think it's kind of weird to have those families together lol ...though I know there'd be no hostility, none at all ....still weird haha. Anyway, she asked me to specify what I need but what do I need??? Anything and everything is appreciated definitely but I feel rude saying what I want! Like, ok I need bottles and clothes and diapers .....a playard, another crib, a mattress lmao good God I hope people follow my registry so I can get everything I need and not just "cute widdle sockssss" like yes socks are appreciated but I need a damn mattress and breast pump! 40 days left til the shower!! Wow ...

Still the name!

I'm considering rethinking having my mom in the delivery room, why should she be there? I'll figure it out.
Alexia is still the name!

I was talking to her earlier and was calling her Alex, Alexia, Lexi, and she was just rolling all over the place. I can't wait til she's here! Well I can wait ...but I'm excited!

Wheels set in motion

I met with a social worker yesterday and we discussed my game plan. By the end of summer I will be living on my own - I will be on assistance, have subsidized daycare, and be in high school. Ok ok this is not 100% as I need subsidy to contact me so I can tell them I'm returning to highschool - I'll be high priority and they'll get me in, this is what the worker told me anyway! After two quads of highschool, I'll be going to College. Providing I can get OSAP and get accepted into the program that I want to do. After College, I will get a job. If I can't find a job, I'll get back on assistance. My program is 2 years, my boyfriend is starting his program in September and I'm hoping by the time he is done and in his career, we'll get a place. We'll see - though, things are starting to set in motion. I'm just relying on subsidy! Come on!!!!!!!

Alexia is still the name....

My baby shower is set and I just hope I get everything I need! My boyfriend has a job which is giving him a lot of hours so that's a relief! At least I know that I'll be able to get diapers!

"Unborn"

"How old is your child?"
"Err, ah, she's not here yet ...err, ah, unborn?"

I called about 10 child care centers today to get on their waiting list. The first woman I spoke to was super nice! But then they got increasingly bitchier and bitchier as the morning progressed. I need subsidy to contact me and tell me that I'm eligible, and then I will tell them which day cares' lists I'm on.

My step dad got laid off ...he has been working there for almost 20 years. Wow. That really puts everyone back money wise. My Mom wants to get a second job.

I found out that I can get welfare for my daughter once she's born. Everything happens when this little girl pops out of me ... so basically 97 days until the wheels are in motion!

As for pregnancy symptoms, which I seem to have been forgetting to talk about, I've lost my sex drive - for now. My boobs are getting bigger, and marked up. My stomach is getting rounder, harder, and she moves constantly! I've been eating a lot, and I mean a lot, of bran/fibre so the constipation no longer plagues me!

Relationship wise, things are still up and down up and down down down up up down and up with the boyfriend. I really hope we stabilize soon.

97 more days! I still love the name Alexia and so does my Mom and little sister! Maybe it's the name ...we'll see!

Stretch Marks!

I discovered stretch marks on my boobs today. On the bottom, sides, top ...all over my boobs. My boobs are ruined! Before getting pregnant I was 34 B ... I'm almost 26 weeks and my boobs are now 36 C ... maybe bigger, who knows! Anyway, I guess 6 months of growing was too quick?! And so I'm now CURSED with deep purple lines. I doused them in vitamin E oil, home made cocoa butter and Vaseline Cocoa Butter ...I'll be doing this EVERY SINGLE DAY ON MY ENTIRE BODY FROM NOW ON! And I vow, I will never ever get myself pregnant again ...my small stretch mark free body is now ruined. Ughhhhh!! What a crappy day.

Same Name..

My boyfriend's cousin just gave birth this morning to a beautiful baby  boy! However, throughout her entire pregnancy, she thought she was having a girl! She named him Alexander. I love the name, it fits him perfectly! But.... I want to name my daughter Alexia. I told her that if if I do, our children will have the same name, Alex and Alex... and she thinks it's awesome.... I don't know if it'd be inappropriate for me to name my daughter Alexia now. It's not like I'm naming her Alexandra which is actually the girl version of Alexander... Also, (now this will get complicated) my boyfriend's sister in law has a brother named Alex ... and my boyfriend's aunt's husband is named Alex ... clearly his cousin doesn't have a problem with all these Alex's ... but would FOUR be too much? I'm really upset because I feel that Alex is the perfect name for my daughter ......... I just hope there'd be no problems with having cousins 3 months apart with the same name. Ughhhh....


100 more days though! And it's snowing like crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow we'll be in the double digits!! Little one is approaching QUICKLY!

Lots of movement

I haven't posted anything in a while. The only thing that's changed is the little one is moving A LOT now and responds to my touches, it's cool, I love it! After a huge fight with my boyfriend, which I'll avoid getting into, things have been going a little smoother. I'm hoping we're finally over the "rough patch...." Also, my e-class is almost finished, I need to do some last minute things, study for the exam, pass the exam and hope to God I pass the class! Wish me luck!

I don't really have anything to talk about, other than I'm completely exhausted!!!


Oh! I found 3 potential middle names: Elisia, Elis and Elora
As for first names ...the boyfriend and I agreed on Alex. "Alexia" ... We'll see if that name holds for another 101 days lol!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqZYVaS_ZbM

Bad Start

We got into an argument 2 hours into 2011. Over an iPod. We didn't cuddle or talk to each the entire night. Then the next morning he just gets up to play video games... The only time he was actually decent was when his hand was in my shirt, then after sex ...same old guy. He was supposed to come to my cousins for dinner but bailed, to play video games. If this is how he's going to be ....I don't want any fucking part in it.