Changes!

I swear, the hardest part about being a mother is dealing with the asshole that knocked you up.

I ask him why he spent 500 dollars on an E-bike when we need the money (you know, to support our daughter, every penny counts) and he replies, "I didn't want a kid to begin with ...I always wanted an E bike." L O FUCKING L. And then he proceeds to tell me that he's the one working and I'm not doing shit. But then, on a text, he writes, "I didn't know one girl could ruin so much in one year." Well, thanks. He thinks he's being a big fucking help by getting money ...still spending on the stupidest of shit, and I'm useless because I don't have a dime. I think the sole fact that I love and want my daughter is better than the "bread winner" constantly telling me how I should've gotten an abortion. This'll go great in the baby book.


108 days left ..... and tomorrow's 2011 .... time to make some serious changes ...where shall I begin hmmmmmm....

Super Powers?

My boyfriend just announced that he's going to buy an E bike. Instead of saving money, which we're both doing, he's going to blow it all on a fucking bike. How incredibly stupid of him! Stupid stupid stupid! It's quite obvious that I need to get my own shit in gear and properly plan for being a single parent ... I'm the only one thinking about our daughter ... Where are my mommy super powers????

24 weeks

I'm 24 weeks and 1 day. I'm enormous.
I weigh 138 lbs ...I blame all the Christmas food.
At my ObGyn appointment my boyfriend finally heard our baby's heart beat! I was supposed to do the glucose test but the lab was closed so at my next appointment I'll get to pee and have blood drawn, hooray!

I still crave sugar and pizza, it's ridiculous and it must be all in my head ...it has to be... because I cannot keep this disgusting diet up any longer! I need fruit! I also need to remember to take my vitamins. I ALSO need to finish my assignments for my online English course. So much to do!

I'm not leaking anymore, I don't know why... maybe it'll start up again when I'm further along.


110 days left!

Leaking!

I was laying on my bed watching Charlie Brown and my Mom came into my room, so I sat up and noticed a wet spot on my bed where I was laying ...and a wet spot on my shirt - where my nipple is! My right nipple was a little wet and my left one is completely dry. My right nipple is also sore, while the other one isn't.

Other than my new nipplage experience ...I'm incredibly cranky.

120 more days!

She finally kicked for Daddy!

Usually Maya* would be still when her father was around but tonight she kicked! Several times too! She's becoming more and more active, I love it. He seemed sort of freaked out/amazed when he felt it - said it sort of felt like a pulse. I guess he expected her to kick and his whole hand to move.

Feeling Like A Mom Already

I bring my sister to SK and pick her up - I've gotten to know two parents and even though I'm clearly not her mother, I feel like her parent. We've arranged play dates and I talk like a ...mother lol. I can't even explain it. Also I've realized that a lot of girls around my age think being pregnant is fun and having a little baby to take care of would be a plus in their life. News flash! It's not. Being pregnant ruins your body and raising a child at a young age is VERY HARD - you need money to buy diapers, food, clothing, toys, provide shelter, etc., for your child for at least 18 years! It also takes away from your social life - no clubbing, partying, dating ....unless you can find a good baby sitter but what are the odds of that happening? My friends think that whenever I find someone to babysit I'll be available to party. Nooooo. I'll be lucky to find a babysitter and as soon as I do I'll be getting my ass a job. So between working and taking care of my sister and daughter, I won't want to party. On my days off I'll want to sleep. I'm aware of all these "disadvantages" to being a mom at such a young age but I accept it! And I'm excited to bring my beautiful baby girl into this world, regardless of the obstacles I'll have to face.

122 more days!! My belly button has almost popped right out!! WEIRD

Sick!

I've been sick all week!!! And I can't take any medication so I'm suffering, booo. I need to go out tomorrow and do more Christmas shopping. I know my boyfriend is going to complain about what I got him ...he's so appreciative.

The baby shower is booked for Feb. 27th!!!

Now we just need to invite people, make a registry and hopefully I'll be more prepared!

123 days!

Spotting after sex

I had great sex the other night, ended up crying from an orgasm - hormonal, much...and found that I was bleeding. With great sex comes great responsibility ...I have to be a little more gentle I suppose because spotting is not a good sign. I also need to make an appointment with my family doctor to perhaps have an exam - my next ObGyn appointment is on the 27th but it's more of an in & out pee on this appointment, no time to chit chat.

I finally got my slushie fix! Thanks to my beloved boyfriend, he's so good to me.

Maya still seems to be ranking as #1. I even referred to her as Maya today ...it's gotta be a keeper. The middle name is still up in the air though, it's either Kairi (if Matthew wants) or Elisia (the combination of names) ...I haven't discussed my idea with him yet though. I'm also still unsure whether I'm going to put both last names or just his. Or just mine?

126 more days!

She still won't move for her father

OH! When Matthews family came to his house, his mom and aunt and cousin, etc., were asking how I was, how the baby was and what not. And then out of the blue his DAD starts talking about the baby. Saying how I should be talking to my stomach so that when she comes out she'll know I'm her mommy ...I was totally taken aback because he's NEVER mentioned it before. I was literally speechless. I'm much more excited now though, with his familys excitement and mine, it's calming to know that I have a lot of support.

Also, Matthew seems nervous about the delivery - because I told him my mom will also be in the room. She's a hands on type of woman and will want to be very involved. I'm going to have to tell her that if she is to be in the room, she has to step back because this is Matthew and my daughter, so he'll be the hand I squeeze and he'll be the one to cut the cord. My Mom can stand on the other side crying if she wants, but there's going to be a rule against NO crotch shots, not until her head is completely out of my vagina; then indulge. BUT NO PICTURES!

Maya

My belly button seems to be popping out. My stomach is definitely round and hard and obviously pregnant. My boobs are rounder, and bigger - as well as my nipples (which have also gotten darker. Joy.) I'm still incredibily moody; but I believe part of the reason is because of all the stress I'm dealing with at home. I still haven't gotten my slushie fix yet ... maybe that'd cheer me up? Haha.

I fell in love with a name...

Maya Elisia

Elisia is a combination of my boyfriends Mom's middle name (Alicia) and my late Grandma's name (Elsie) ...I'm going to see how Matthew feels about this - but the first name, Maya, is almost a FOR SURE! There are no other names that can top it. If he puts up a fuss then maybe I'll sacrifice Elisia for some name that he really likes. We'll see. 

129 more days!

Moody

Last night my boyfriend asked me, "Whats it like being pregnant?"

I always thought that the moment he asked me something like that I'd respond with something heartfelt but all I said was, "Its like being fat ...with a bad back." But it's the truth. Almost 21 weeks pregnant and that's what it's like to be pregnant. He responded, "Well I've been there."

I've noticed how moody I've been lately. It's getting on everyone's nerves, including my own. This moodiness derives not only from hormonal changes but the constant worrying about HOW I'm going to afford a child. I'm really scared.

I found another name that I like: Maya. Pronounced MYE.AH

I'm not sure if Matthew likes it though.

133 more days! Wow.